2months don waka................we still dey carry go

Hello People,
I am soooo soooooo sorry,honestly i am.i have tried severally to update but you see, FFF and co didn't warn me about this new found responsibity of marriage.
I dont have time to myself anymore and then y'all know my hubby doesnt think its possible i have a blog cos he believes i wont just waste my time anywhere i am not making money(what does he take me for??) so i cant update at home and you remember i got a new job so i have just managed to settle in enough to get time to type a post but not to worry,i read posts from my favourites all the time........

The wedding day was fun oh but the build up to the wedding was chaotic,i practically broke down one day and was crying.My new office didnt want to approve my leave even if i told them at the point of my resumption,the stupid gown woman was misbehaving on a massive level,the silly shoe woman was bugging my life about a shoe filler she could only bring in from london,i can tell you for free that in my opinion,its best you order your dress yourself,i didn't do that and it was pretty challenging.

My decor was fantastic,the ambience was classy,everyone was organised and well taken care of,the food was great(special thanks to mummy Aleesha's caterer),the hairdresser didn't come to wrap my hair so i had to let my hair down,we were in so much of a hurry i didn't see my makeup after it was done,everyone claimed it was very nice but by the time i saw myself,i thought my lip was crap,the babe used red abi was it wine lipliner,what the heck is that??
After paying so much to all those caterers,i didn't eat any food at all at all at the wedding,imagine that?my hubby was fasting anyway so he didn't eat as well,we didn't exchange cakes as well,we danced just twice,we didn't do the dance dance dance part,we tried to make it as low key as possible but it was a happy day for us.The musician was good,i loved my cake,infact i now know why people tend towards wedding planning as a job after their wedding,you just feel like correcting the "mistakes" at your wedding and its fun doing all the planning,the MC wasnt bad as well.,all in all,it was a good day,really good day to remember

In the meantime,u people should see me see trouble,the picture guy has refused to bring the picture and video C.D oh,i went to fight to collect album and its just there,hubby wanted us to have 2 photographers but i thought it will cost too much but i am thinking it woulda been a good idea oh,the step sibligns didn't come and they havnt deemed it fit up till now to call me or my mum even if my mum called them to invite them,i am actally happy they didn't come cos seeing them alone could have dampened my spirit,my in-laws were really very nice.my father in law is really something else,i think he's trying to make me not miss my daddy cos he calls me every other day to ask after my welfare,i recently did a dental extraction and the man was so worried,by the way hubby was lousy at bedside care,he felt i wasnt pulling myself together enough bla bla bla......i still miss my daddy oh,i really really miss him,i even sometimes think maybe if we flew him abroad he woulda survived,i am scared for my mum cos she's really alone this days,like there is no one at all to just be with her and talk to her and things.
I went to see her the other day and wore a dress(my aso ebi ifact) and she was wondering why i was still so slim..like seriously???i leave a totally unrelated status on FB and people are insinuating been pregnant,i have a slight headache and everyone in my office is talking about been pregnant,at first,it was a funny joke but can everyone stop it already??i didn't get married cos i was in a hurry to get preg, Our relationship was pretty long term and my friend actually opened her mouth to say she doesn't understand what we are waiting for again cos of that.....i will soon become violent if one more person says anything to me about gettng pregnant...how e take consign you????lol

Anyway,yesssssssssssssss,we have been married for 2months today,its been great so far,i think my cost of living has increased though cos my house is farther now so i stay in traffic more so i consume more fuel but i am not complaining
I have made food almost every blessed night in the last 2months,we havent eaten out at all at all....husby now has to eat at home oh,infact he forgot and bought food on sunday morning but he had to keep the food and ensure my food doesnt waste,i have been checking out cheap places to shop in bulk for food items and what not....Nepa no dey do us well for our new area but we dey manage.........we have some people staying with us at the moment,i dont really like it but i am coping.i just feel like over familiarity brings contempt,its usually better when u keep a distance from all this family members so that we only show each other our good sides............I really usually think about my blog and bloggers but how i for do naa ehn????
i notice lots of people dont blog anymore,why now??Aleesha's mum says she's leaving.she's been threatening us like that sha but i am scared she is for real this time cos she's talked about taking her blog down

On another note,i was on my way to work,stopped over at ghana high commission to eat(who knows that place?),and saw different children on the road that couldnt be more than 3 years old going to school on his own,infact this life is just cruel.i dont know how some people feel so comfortable doing that when some other people are so desperate to have kids.I looked at that situation and found one more reason to thank God irrespective of my situation.
In all situations,please give all the glory,honour and thanks to God Almighty!!!
Compliments of the season to y'all

Choice of songs!!!!!

Eyin temi(this reminds me of LG),we are planning this wedding together oh.You know the notice abi confirmation is really short so i need all the help i can get
I'd like to dance with my single friends before throwing the bouquet,i need you to suggest 2correct songs,i was thinking of single girls by beyonce,what else??Instead of throwing the bouquet,i am thinking of giving my friends a rose each to just show them how much i wish every single one of them the best oh not just the person that catches the bouquet,what's your take?

So what songs are we dancing in with?i am thinking of bumper to bumper by wande Coal,it has nothing to do with love or marriage but i love the song and one can dance to the beats.am thinking it would be like 10mins so we need a max of 3 songs.make una help me oh if not i will just put only Mo hit songs there,i have been feeling "ten ten" since it came out,I love those people to bits and i don't even know why.

I need songs to dance with my mum,i desperately have to dance with my mum,i already have iya mi (D'Banj) and Mama(Eldee) suggested

I think i have a gift i have not been able to properly identify,i am able to say something and it happens or i am able to think something and it happens,its not even necessarily something i want but i just have that nagging feeling or thought,like there are so many things i have always known and they happened to me eventually.ironically,i don't dream about these things,i only dream of stupid things like going to London by road and having fun all the way.u know really meaningless things like that.i don't really know how to explain it,anyway the only thing i have been thinking about lately that has been scaring me is that i am going to have twins.it's a scary thought oh abeg...

I can smell anything in this world,my sense of smell is too strong,way too strong,i can smell if someone is on their period,i can tell what perfume u are using from miles away(if i know it)

Never say never oh,did i ever tell u people i went for my friends wedding and her hair was more than fantastic,guess how much she did it??3k!!!!i almost fainted,i need to know my way around this Lagos oh!!

I have been so OVERLY stressed,my voice even completely broke down,i couldn't talk but i know i will be fine in the end......Thank you all for your love and support
Have a beautiful week ahead

My struggles,Job,moving on...........

So so much has been going on in my life,the "struggles" i talked about have kinda started,people are already having dreams...my favorite aunt wants me to come to her church for 3days where fasting and prayer will go on cos she and her daughter dreamt world people are trying to kill either me or my mum......my bro dreamt 2 guys were trying to harm someone,he didn't see them or who they were trying to harm he only saw they were men...my mum heard from someone some people are targeting the both of us but we shouldn't worry my dad is taking it upon himself to fight for us....i have been hearing so much i am even scared of telling beau before he will just run away..lol...someone even said the reason why it was compulsory we go ahead with the wedding is cos of beau's father,he likes me too much and the disappointment might kill me..........we haven't started discussing my dad's property yet oh...my sis is trying to get into LUTH,my mum tried calling one of my dad's friend that knows the health minister and that one is already acting up.......he kept saying he didn't know who was talking on the phone (over 3days) and kept hanging up....my people,it is well,i am even tired of giving you bad news....

On a positive note,i have finally gotten a new job and a blogger is my new colleague.....how nice
We have also gone to the registry and it was more fun than i thought it would be,i only told my sis and bro but beau was so happy, he was holding me throughout,all over the place, told quite a number of close friends(he has soo many "close" friends) and quite a number have been calling the both of us to say it's not fair we
didn't tell them...our wedding(though intended to be very small now) is still holding in October by the special grace of God Almighty.I have a feeling i am going to be crying throughout on that day but i seriously and sincerely hope not so as not to ruin my pictures for the sake of my darling kids......i am going to need a lot of suggestions for songs i and my mum can dance to,it is COMPULSORY i dance to a song with my mum,please who remembers the title of this song dbanj did for his mum,pleeease i need more suggestions...infact i will do a post on this so start thinking

On a lighter note,this ish happened on the day of my interview - when i was 5mins away,i called beau to ask where to park and he kinda snapped "it wasn't my business,i should allow d driver worry about that",i was a bit tense cos i had been tense about my dad so he got me someone to drive me since it was first thing in the morning and guess he didn't want funny break downs or what not.the situation reminded me of weeks before when i was "harassing" my colleague to stop disturbing her husband.she had a flat tire and there is a vulcanizer right beside our office that we all know and she called the man to tell him "she had a flat tire,what should she do?"the other day lasthma arrested her and she called him to beg the guys.......i think its funny that women call their men when they are in situations the men cant possibly solve from where they are,it might not make sense but we still do it anyway.
What's your take?

So i got me a new daddy....

I really don't know how to receive or deal with pity/sympathy.infact i am outright lousy at it except very few people that understand to send me mails and i can reply and be crying on my own at the same time as opposed to talking/crying
I am terribly sorry i didn't give out my number to anyone that just asked,that's because i didn't even pick calls from anyone,if what i have gotten as txt is an indication of what i will hear then i can't handle it,i don't want anyone to tell me sorry or sympathize with me,i don't want anyone asking me if he was ill for a short time or long time,i don't want anyone telling me what we should have done or not done,i don't want anyone telling me he's in a better place cos no one knows for sure where he is,i don't want anyone asking me "so what's going to happen now",i just don't want to talk about it.In the event i wasn't picking calls,everyone started calling beau's phone to sympathize with him,all of his office pips and friends now somehow somehow knew and even those i had never seen started sending me txts.i was overwhelmed by the love/support.infact beau joked that "later,i will be forming "kindly don't intro me as your wife cos we aren't married yet",he has this habit of intro me as his wife all d time now and am like ...chill now.let it be true first.that shey i should see now,people are "consoling" him too

I havn't gotten over it and i never will completely but of course my life must go on,i am learning to deal with it,i still wake up in the middle of the night just to cry,infact an hour after i heard of his passing on(btw,i heard from a total stranger that has never called me before in her life...........mystery of the world),i was so terribly hungry i felt like i would faint,i didn't wanna eat so as to punish myself so i could feel physical pain as much as the emotional but then the headaches came in,i became dizzy,we had to bury same day......beau begged me to eat,i Didi have appetite but i ate.That is just to tell you that "Life goes on......."
I am hurting but i cant even imagine what my mum is going through,she's the one that vowed to be with him forever,her parents are still alive at over a 100 so its unbelievable she's a widow at half their age.I saw a clear demonstration of pure and undiluted love,i saw the true definition of vows,in SICKNESS and in health,i had to ask myself over and over again if i could be this selfless in my marriage,it's easier Blabbed/said than done i tell you.My mum slept in the hospital everyday,prayed unending,fasted unending and even with the outcome,she is still praying,her fate hasn't shaken.i tell u i haven't been able to fast one more day cos asides the fact that i am hurting,i just don't have the stamina,God sees my heart.

I miss my daddy oh,i really do.he is the only one that calls me more than once every single day when i am abroad,i remember telling odee i will dance to my baby girl by nel Oliver with my dad @ my wedding,we had even practiced once at home.......my mum is now practically ALONE!!!she has 3kids working,another in UNI and another in boarding school,she has said my sis cant go back to boarding school for at least a year......it's just painful what she has to go through.she is going to be really bored,there will be no one to rub minds with,discuss issues,even fight with.she's already involved in a lotta religious activities so i don't know what to suggest,i don't even know how she will eat,my parents ate together every day and night,i even do same with beau cos that's what i grew up knowing
I call her everyday and i have practically run out of things to say to cheer her up,my mum is d kind that complains she'd rather see u face-face than discuss over the phone,she has to learn to adapt now,i miss my mum telling me "i have to go,daddy is calling",i miss my happy mum,i miss my daddy,i am the first person that calls my daddy on his birthday every year and his birthday came and all i did was cry.I saw a note in my dad's car that stated how much he wanted to spend on my wedding amongst other projects he wanted to execute.I trust that God is always God but why did he take my daddy now?
I have even asked God that was it that if he didn't go,it would have been me and my dad chose to go over me,as God has allowed this to happen,i strongly believe its for a good cause but i need him to show me that cause so i can be relaxed,i am actively waiting to hear it.

My dad wasnt buried where he asked to be buried for a silly excuse......some random distant relation in the village chose the place......i don't like the spot,am sure he doesn't too but what does it matter?i might never even go there to see him cos he's always in my heart anyway
I will never forgive the Nigerian Government cos he got the infection that complicated his post-op when they went on strike,if i ever get into government,a lot of people will jailed for life if they ever commit any fraud against the health sector.
Beau says he's scared/worried i am keeping all the hurt inside and he doesn't know what my bursting would be like but i say i am not,truth is i just don't think so,i have never known how to express my feelings intensely anyway
I got lots of nice mails and i thank you all,36 practically warned me to be easy where beau is concerned cos after all said and done,daddy,mum and siblings will not be with me,its going to be just the both of us and since relationship forms the basis and foundation for marriage,i should be easy.that's one sound advice i got

I really can't thank y'all enough on blogsville,i am eternally grateful.no one shall experience sorrow in their homes,all our prayers will be answered and my NEW DADDY will never put you through any challenge without staying right there with you.
Have a nice weekend

It's over!!!!!

So my daddy's life on earth ended last weekend,he has gone to meet God Almighty the father(I hope and pray),its not been okay but just like my co-daddyless(earth) people have adviced,I will be fine eventually.Someone even told me not to finish crying as she still cries till now when she remembers her late mum.I haven't been able to build up my strength to take calls but eventually i will.
My mum is the worst hit because she believes it's an attack but i pray for her to get over it and move on with her life soon.
Thanks and God bless you all

Hopelessness!!!!!

You know all my life,i have sometimes had disappointments at really crucial/sensitive stages,i have gotten used to them,i have grown a thick skin and i have learnt to cope with it and understand it better.i keep learning how to deal with it everyday,i am not even going to try to recount all my past experiences because i know that God will always be God,if he allows it to happen,then it was meant to happen.
This new one is a bit very very tough for me to cope with but i will,in the end i will be fine,time is a great healer.it has just come at a very very very bad time.

My sister is a medical person,she got the chance to go to the hospital today,she met with the docs,read the case file and medical-medical person,they discussed and she understood all the terms.He has stage 4 oesophagal cancer which is as a direct result of his over 40years of smoking,the surgery he did wasn't curative but palliative,(ease d last days)they expect he should have started healing by now but he went into a form of respiratory distress overnight due to infection bla bla bla and he had to go back into surgery.
She asked for the prognosis(how long he has) and the doctor didn't want to commit himself but he doubted if he could last one year!!!!Now i wonder,y did they make him go through a painful surgery??y are they allowing us spend so much?My father does NOT have his house in order one bit.this sistahas finally stopped talking to me miraculously,i am scared of all the fights,all the struggles,my dad recently sold a house cos he felt like,bought a car and has quite a sum in his account,i can see the issues already.I am tired of crying,i am scared of the Unknown known,i don't know how my mum will cope by herself,the docs told her all these but she never told us,what was she thinking?am thinking she has been in denial!!
i don't know how a lot of things will turn out,i am honestly tired of praying because i feel like a hypocrite when i do,i begged my daddy for years unend to stop smoking but he compared himself to his father that died over 100 and smoked till he died,i have a feeling i would have handled this much better if all of this happened last year or next year.as selfish as it may sound but i am angry,i am very very angry with him.
I placed and order for my gown and it has arrived,i don't even know what to tell the seller but i can see it,there's not going to be any wedding this year or even next year!!
I feel totally hopeless,i am tired of crying everywhere and at every opportunity.This dissapointed feeling at such a crucial time is not foreign to me but I have never doubted my trust in God,i know its for a greater good even if i definitely can't see it now.
I don't even think i want sympathy(comments),i don't know what i want.i am hurting,i feel hopeless but i still believe in God Almighty.he knows best and his will will continually be done in my life.
Thanks for reading till the end.have a good weekend!!!!!!!

Best Regards,
q.money@ymail.com

Pray for my dada......

Qmoney's word for today
There comes a point in your life when you realize:
Who matters,Who never did,Who won't anymore..........And who always will..
Don't worry about people from your past,there's a reason why they didn't make it to your future......

How are you all today??I have been about the most prayerful person i know in recent weeks
I want you all to join me in thanking God for my father,please help me thank baba God for keeping him alive up till this point.He has been ill and i have been having a difficult time,i was initially scared we might postpone the wedding cos his illness has been quite serious,i have just told a very few people,not been able to talk about it openly,he had a growth that we feared was cancerous and he needed surgery,he was really scared and all of that,he was scared he wasn't fit amongst other fears...............they have done the surgery and it was a success,he's now in ICU,he is been a very very stubborn and heady patient,trying to remove his oxygen mask to prove he is strong and he turns around gasping for breath,someone was there thankfully, health workers have gone on strike........*sigh*I just thank God for his faithfulness in the midst of all this.

My mum hasn't done a thing towards d wedding cos she has been busy taking care of her husband,as much as i complained bitterly when she was preparing for intro,i miss her stress now,i'd rather have her stressing over what to wear and what not to wear than have her sleeping on the floor in the hospital overnight,getting bitten by mosquitoes and what have you..................please pray for him,me and my family in general

Meanwhile,Beau chose this period to get lost in work and forgot to call me on the day of the surgery+ the day after to ask after my dad and even how i am coping,i took out all my anger and frustration in me on him including telling him to f%$#^&* go to blazes!!!!
He now just calls my mum(not me) daily to check on him/her...........God knows if we hadn't done intro i'd have told him "it's over"!!!
I confess one of my weaknesses in this relationship was always to break up in the face of anything i think Unforgivable.
I am soooo upset, i am now worried about getting married,it just scares me i can start feeling trapped or something.I mean why would i want to spend the rest of my life with someone that can be that non-challant in this trying period????or am i over-reacting?maybe i am jus pmsing at the moment or whatever.........
have a nice weekend y'all